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Presidential Merch Gets Weird

Posted: October 19, 2015 | By: Aaron Feldman Tagged: From the Campaign Trail

Most of us have seen enthusiastic liberals in Bernie shirts and excited Republicans in “Make America Great Again” gear. These shirts are great and all, but you can find some really creative stuff if you play around on a candidate’s webpage. Check out some of the most interesting, creative, and bizarre things I found below.

bernie-bib_grande

The Bernie Bib: No one’s too young to join the Political Revolution! Diehard liberals would probably coo over even the ugliest baby wearing this. It’s pretty cute. In addition, the Sanders  website emphasizes this bib was union-made in the USA. Classic Bernie.

 

donald hat

 

Donald Hat: Don’t see the Donald Trump hat to the right? You’ll just have to look closer. It’s camouflaged. I love the design, but from a tactical perspective, the orange letters sprawled across the top may be too conspicuous for a top-secret mission.

 

Hillary Think Tank

 

Hillary Bro Tank: Being an active member of Greek life, I thought I’d seen just about every bro tank there was. However, I can’t say that I’ve ever seen one endorsing a presidential candidate, let alone one as stylish as this. What’s even better, it’s called the “Think Tank.” Clever, Hillary. Clever.

 

 

Carson T-shirt

Ben Carson Shirt: I get that Carson is a doctor and makes doctor jokes, but I think this random allusion to the 2000 SNL skit is a bit bizarre and kind of a stretch. But hey, it’s only twenty-five bucks. However, his “It’s Not Brain Surgery” shirt is much better.

 

O'Malley sweatshirt

 

O’Malley Sweatshirt: Martin O’Malley’s vision for Rebuilding the American Dream is admirable, but there is some aesthetically unpleasing about this sweatshirt. The juxtaposition of the blue and red letters against the black background is a bit too loud and disorganized.

 

O'Malley signatureWhat he should sell instead: Shirtless signed autographs! Believe it or not, this fine piece of man isn’t Ryan Gosling. Although O’Malley’s poll numbers may not be as high as he would like, Twitter exploded with comments complimenting the governor’s hotness. As the poorest presidential candidate, he’ll need something spicy to revitalize his campaign finances.

 

marco water bottle

 

Marco Rubio: Love clever puns? Then you can purchase a “Marco Polo” on his website. You can also purchase this water bottle, which references his water gaffe during his response to Barack Obama’s 2013 State of the Union Address. Finally, for only 17 times the cost of a water bottle, you can spend $500 to buy Marco a plane ticket so he may travel around the country.

ted cruz

 

Ted Cruz Poster: Although Ted Cruz probably won’t have the support of the left-leaning Ice Cube, this doesn’t stop him from making a good NWA reference.

 

 

Jeb Bush: Hands-down the most rajeb bush guac bowlndom presidential memorabilia I encountered, one can order a Jeb Bush “Guaca Bowle” for $75. However, I’m still unsure what makes this “Guaca Bowle” different from any other bowl, as it doesn’t make any reference to Jeb Bush anywhere on it. Jeb’s secret Guacamole recipe not included :(

 

 

What do you think? Pretty strange right? However, with candidates trying to appeal to voters of all demographics, it’s no wonder they want to sell more than just pins and t-shirts. So next time you see someone in a Hillary shirt, you should ask why they didn’t get the bro tank.

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Feldman is a political science and data analytics double major from Clarendon Hills, Illinois. He loves Bruce Springsteen and poorly attempting his songs on guitar. Follow him on Twitter.