Canidate’s New Year’s Resolutions
The New Year always welcomes a series of resolutions for those eager to better themselves in the upcoming year – presidential candidates included. Resolutions can be trivial, or they can aim big (maybe becoming the next president?); however, not all of these candidates will achieve their main goal of a change of address to Pennsylvania Avenue. Though the idea of occupying the White House is far off, the Iowa caucuses on Feb. 1 are fast approaching. With the caucuses as the first hurdle for candidates in 2016, candidates are conjuring up their resolutions to help further their campaigns in the new year.
It is only fair to assume that every republican candidate enters 2016 with the resolution, “I cannot let Hillary be president.” But really, guys (plus Carly), let’s be realistic here… The trivial goals seem to be the best bet for the Republican Party at this stage in the election. Former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush is thought to have made a series of resolutions, while opponent Donald Trump has only made a laundry list of goals. We are all rooting for the once promising candidate, Bush, to use the new year to think of some better insults for Trump in the next RNC debate. Seriously Jeb, anything will work better than last year’s pillow fight insults at The Donald. On the other hand, Trump’s primary goal is to take away from the Clinton campaign as much as possible, mostly by upping his Twitter game in insulting both the current candidate and her husband, the former president. If he insults Hillary three times more daily there is a strong chance she will not become president, right? Regardless, the other Republican candidate’s resolutions are to up their game in Iowa this month in order to “out-caucus” Donald Trump.
On the democratic side, Martin O’Malley still remains in the single digits in both Iowa and national polls. In 2016, one of O’Malley’s resolutions is to be enough of a force in Iowa to be remembered in the 2020 election.
Meanwhile, Bernie Sanders is scheming with top campaign staffers to become as good of a Bernie Sanders as Larry David on SNL. Moreover, in Iowa, Sander’s aim is to increase the use of the phrase, “we’re doomed” and to keep screaming and swearing his way to a caucus victory.
Lastly, Hillary’s 2016 resolution is for her campaign to create a “new” Hillary to appeal to millennials in order to give Hollywood celebrities a break from campaigning for her.
Christopoulos is majoring in politics and broadcast journalism. She was born and raised in San Francisco but had to move to Iowa for sweet corn and caucuses. Follow her on Twitter.