Pogo for President
While the nation tuned into the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library for the second Republican debate featuring the top 11 candidates, there was one candidate missing from the stage. I had the pleasure of running into Pogo Mochello Allen Reese in the Drake University Student Senate office on Wednesday, the former exotic dancer from San Antonio who is running for President of the United States.
Reese, also known as the Patriot Prancer, was on campus trying to figure out where he needed to be for the debate that evening. While his passion for his campaign was evident, it did not take long to realize that he was extremely lost. After several explanations that the debate was in California and not on Drake’s campus, Reese realized his error and turned our interaction into a campaign opportunity. For approximately 30 minutes, he gave me a full rundown of his campaign and what he would hope to do as our Commander in Chief.
Perhaps my favorite proposal of his was his “flip-flop economic policy,” in which every $100 bill would become the equivalent of a penny and vice-versa. By doing this, Reese would be able to track the money used for drug trade going across the U.S.-Mexico border since his metal detectors would pick up on the copper found in some of the pennies. This strategy would also be applied to the Panama Canal, which Reese said is the largest source of illegal drug smuggling to the United States. To oversee all of this, Reese intends to select Warren Buffet as his Secretary of Commerce. He even gave me a heavily laminated flowchart of the structure of his Commerce Department, as well as materials for Ivy Taylor’s campaign for mayor of San Antonio (this one still escapes me).
Because of the quality and cost associated with the materials that Reese was handing out, I decided to see how he was being funded. Reese is one of more than 1,150 registered candidates for POTUS, according to the Federal Election Commission website, and has self-contributed $8037 to his campaign as of June 30 and received no outside money at all. Besides Donald Trump, Carly Fiorina, and Marco Rubio, Reese is also competing against Tronald Dump and This Is Fake, both “individuals” with an official statement of candidacy filed. “Candidates” like these certainly inflate the number of presidential candidates, considering Bill Clinton and Elsa the Ice Queen are both registered as well; however, this just gives a glimpse of how wild some of these candidates can get. Unfortunately, I doubt they’ll be spending much time in Iowa preparing for the caucuses; just imagine the number of Iowan parents that would be dragged by their children to a campaign rally for Elsa.
Seeing that my next class was quickly approaching, I thanked Reese for his time, and he proceeded to ask me how to get to Marty Martin’s office, the president of Drake University. I asked him if he had an appointment and he said that he had been trying to email and call his office for a couple days. I pointed him in the right direction, tried to compose myself, and proceeded to inform Drake Public Safety of the situation. However, I was unsuccessful in retrieving my business card that Reese had picked up in the office prior to my arrival, which included my cell phone number and school e-mail address.
Two days after my interaction with Reese on campus, I began receiving forwarded texts from him, ones that I imagine he sends out to all of his supporters. Just like his posters, they are all over the place, and his message is rather confusing and unclear. Since then, I’ve been receiving daily updates from him, and I expect this trend to continue.
While my interaction with Reese was certainly entertaining, I’m sure he won’t be the last unknown presidential candidate making their way to Drake’s campus. Just on the Snapchat 2016 Election Story, I saw another presidential candidate talking about his plan to give every American a free pony if he’s elected. These types of candidates certainly give the American electorate a wide variety of candidates to choose from. While Reese’s comments on anything and everything were completely outrageous, he may have fit in just fine on the debate stage considering some of the things that GOP candidates were saying.
Nevertheless, I look forward to seeing what new campaign materials Reese decides to send my way. And, I’ll be looking to see what kind of support he garners come Caucus night, though I shall give up faith in the electoral process completely if I do find supporters for Reese on that cold February evening.